6 Months and Counting

I can't believe it will be six months since I started working out the with Sadist.  Some days it seems like it just started and other days it feels like it has been going on forever.  I just can't imagine a week without seeing his smiling face, though there are days I'd like to wipe the smile off his face. Six months ago I walked into the studio feeling flabby and round. Today. although the numbers aren't where I'd like them, the flab has diminished and the roundness has lessened.  In a year with minimal successes, I have to say this has been one of the few.  I am constantly giving the Sadist a hard time as he continues to challenge me more and more, it never feels like I'm getting anywhere.  Of course I have and Friday he chastised me stating "You just dead lifted a 25 lb kettle bell from a squatted position 60 times. You are definitely getting somewhere."  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I may be getting somewhere, but it doesn't always feel like it. As like many others, I am my worse critic. 

Last Friday, the Sadist and I got into a discussion regarding Zumba .  Apparently the studio Zumba instructor has been trying to get him to participate in a class.  He says it isn't going to happen, no way, no how.  One of his reasons for not doing a Zumba class included the fact that it was done in front the big mirror.   Of course he tells me this as I stand in front of said mirror doing dead lifts.  Let me just say, it isn't a great look on a good day and I'm not fond of watching myself sweat. When I pointed out that I worked out in front of the mirror all the time, he poo poo'd it stating that it wasn't while dancing.  He's been trying to convince me to do Boot Camp on Saturday.  I'm thinking a little trade may be in the works.  He trys a Zumba class, I'll try a Boot Camp class.  I figure all is fair in workouts and fitness.  I have feeling that I won't have to worry about Boot Camp anytime soon.  :)

They say time flies when your having fun, unfortunately, I've noticed it flies even when you don't.  I still can't believe it's been six months since all this started and it is only a few more days to a new year. It has definitely been a year to remember and I've had lots of stories to share.  I'm sure there will be many many more to come. 

Happy New Year!!!

What Now?

On Friday, I spent the day preparing to visit with the Sadist.  I was determined to not let him get under my skin and annoy me.  I was determined to be positive after a day of such tragedy and sadness.  I did a very good job as we worked on my legs with lifts and presses at increasingly higher weights.  For a change I was feeling pretty good.  Although it was challenging, it didn't feel insurmountable.  We worked on some arm presses, tricep exercises (no clue what they are called), and concentration curls.  Again, I felt the challenge but not the overwhelming feeling that I couldn't do it.  I was a little annoyed that he stopped me on my third set of bench presses at 19 reps.  I really don't like prime numbers.  I would rather do 20 or 15 or even 18, but 19 just feels incomplete.  All in all  it was a pretty good workout, even the ab exercises, but if you tell the Sadist that, I'll deny it all. 

The problem came when I weighed in.  I had been holding steady after losing 10 lbs, but 5 of those lbs made it back to me.  It was a crushing blow to my already fragile self-esteem.  I didn't have to think too hard about how those 5 lbs resurfaced as I have been very lackadaisical about my eating lately.  I've been drinking more soda and eating a little too much.  I have lacked the motivation to press forward and really work on my nutritional side of things.  After the weigh in I was feeling down and hopeless and felt like quitting, which I expressed.  That earned me a not so happy look from the Sadist, which I deserved.  I don't like disappointing myself but I also don't like disappointing him.  I came home, showered and then spent the evening thinking.  I was down in the dumps and feeling like a failure.  I knew something had to change, but that meant pulling myself out my pity party and that in itself is going to be a challenge.  Between work, school and now this, I haven't been feeling very successful. 

It is time to find a way out of this slump  and take some positive steps.  One way I have done that is to set up some very simple goals for the week with the help of SparkPeople.com.  One such goal is to drink 8 glasses of water each day, something I let slip by the wayside. So now my challenge is to keep myself motivated and on task.  I have made a lot of progress while working out which I can see by the way I look.  Now I want the numbers to reflect the new person I am becoming.  If there is one thing I know about myself, is that I'm not a quitter, even when I feel like that is all I want to do.   Luckily I have some great friends and family who have been in my corner through this and for that I am grateful.   It's time to call it a night so that I can get that good night sleep and start my day tomorrow fresh and alert.

I Don't Do Dips

After several months of hearing me talk about the Sadist, friends and family now know what he looks like and I finally know his last name. The funniest thing is that most are indicating that he looks to "nice" to be causing such angst.  Ha, they should know that it is always the sweet ones you have to look out for. I have to admit he can be very sweet but he is also a slave driver.  Worse part is that I pay him to work me to death.

The past couple of sessions have been pretty good, hard, but not so much that I felt like toppling over as I left the training studio.  Unfortunately, yesterday was not one of those days. All the warm fuzzies I was having about my trainer has now iced over, again.  He indicated that it would an easy day, which means that I wasn't going to like it and I was right.  He had me doing a circuit of push-ups, planks, pull-ups and dips.

Me:  I don't do dips
Sadist: You do do dips.
Me:  No, I don't do dips
Sadist: Yes, you do do dips.

This went on for the first circuit until I got to the dips, and I did dips.Although I did the dips, I still maintain I don't do dips.  Now this circuit would not have been too bad, had it not been for the balance ball and other fun play things to make working out so much more exciting. NOT!  At one point I was doing a plank with my arms perched on the balance ball when all of the sudden I slid and I yelped as I plopped on the floor.  I was a little stunned as I wasn't expecting that and neither was the Sadist.  It did help to ease some of my tension, but not all.  After going thru that circuit 4 times, my arms were sore, but I wasn't through yet.  I still had to do tricep presses, lat raises, curls and arm presses.  By this time my arms had gone past sore and into jelly mode.  We finished up this torturous session with 200 crunches on the ab coaster.  I am feeling those 200 crunches as I type this blog. 

As we walked to weigh in I told him to just add 2 or 3 lbs and call it a day.  When asked why, I said because I was hungry this weekend.  Sure enough as I stood on the scale it had indeed gone up.  I'm not quite sure how much since I've stopped looking at the numbers.  They were too depressing. 

I was looking forward to a nice massage, but that had to be postponed.  Both my muscles and I are very disappointed but next week when I do get it, I'll be so happy.

Checking In

It has been some time since I blogged about my sessions with the Sadist.  At the end of my last series of entries I was feeling down in the dumps and wondering if I should continue with this routine. I can't say things have gotten better, but I also can't say they have gotten worse either.  I'm still in limbo as to my future with this whole adventure.

This past week has been a series of ups and downs and somewhere in between the two.  On Tuesday, I had my assessment, which is about 4 months since I started this journey.   In general I have done very well.  My ability to do sit-ups and even the sit and reach has increased.  I went from 25 situps in a minute to 39 my reach increased by an inch and a half.  I guess I really have been making progress.  My push-ups were a little down comparatively speaking but I did start with bench presses instead and they increased.  In order to give my arms a rest during the testing, the twit (aka the Sadist) had me doing close to 100 of modified squats with weight on the total gym.  It's a really good thing I like those, otherwise there would have been mutiny. 

Speaking of mutiny, after all the tests and the squats, he had the nerve to insist that I do 3 more ab exercises.  Now I don't know about anyone else, but 3 comes after 2 and before 4.  Therefore, when I finished doing two distinct exercises, I think I have done 2 of the 3 ab exercises.  Apparently, that was not the case.  According to the Sadist, those two exercises only counted as one as they were done on the same apparatus and in combination since I alternated between the two.  This meant I still had two more exercises to go, or so I thought.  After the next exercise he then tells me that I really have 2 more to go, though one isn't "really" an ab exercise so that doesn't count.  Seriously, where did this guy learn how to count.  Those 3 exercises morphed into 5.  I really haven't been calling him bad enough names.  His other client was on track with his f'ing bastard comment.  I agree.

After all of that on Tuesday, Friday wasn't much better.  He focused on my arms. Somehow, someway I managed to survive to yet another day.  I really hate when he wants me to do something that I can't do.  After several bench presses on a flat, inclined and declined bench, curls and lat raises and several others I can't remember, my arms were jelly. At that point he wanted me to do 10 pushups.  I tried and according to him I did well as I was able to do 6.  I was not happy as I didn't do 10. 

My weight may not be decreasing as I would like, but the person I see in the mirror is transforming.  Instead of seeing someone slightly bloated and unfit, I now see someone who is looking as if she has seen the inside of a gym.  My legs look more athletic and less flabby and my arms have definitely lost of some of the bat wing look.  My next step, as I see, it is to work more on my eating habits and improve what and how I eat.  From there I should start seeing the weight change along with the other transformations.  If I could the first, I'm sure I can do the second.

Doubts

Another Friday, another workout and another day of feeling like I'm getting nowhere.  Apparently this wasn't my week when it came to working out.  The Sadist could do nothing but irritate me.  I did figure out why he has been irritating me, though it took a few days. There are times I just don't want to be pushed but as a trainer that is his job.  He suppose to push me when I am waning or unmotivated in my workout.  However, just because he's doing his job, doesn't mean I am happy about it and in fact sometimes I would rather wipe that smile right off his face. 

On Friday we did a slightly different workout, one he said we wouldn't use a lot of weights.  Ha, he lied.  Even though it wasn't the normal workout, there were still plenty of weights and plenty of times for me to feel inadequate.  The workout was a series of eight exercises that were each done for 45 seconds each, with a 25 second in between rest and a 2 minute rest at the end of the series.  It didn't start well, as we started with a plank into push up.  I think I managed 2 maybe 3.  My biggest challenge was just getting from the plank to the push up stance.  I could not seem to balance on just one arm in order to push up to the other and that was before the actual push-up. 

As I was going through the series of exercises I got more and more irritated.  At one point he came up to me and asked how I was doing.  My reply was something between okay and a grunt.   While glaring at him, the Sadist said "It is okay to call me names."  I informed him not to worry, I was way ahead of him and I had already called several names, none that were good.  There were some exercises that didn't make me feel weak and incapable, but the ones that did were horrendous. Today, I have the bruises to prove it.  

Some days I really wonder if it is at all worth it.  It seems like every step I take forward, I just end up falling several steps back.  There are days I feel more my fathers age then my own. Am I fooling myself, that I can get into shape this late in the game?  I'm not sure if I'm a glutton for punishment or just certifiably nuts.  I guess there is a good possibility that I could be both, but hopefully some sanity will make its way back into my life.  Until then I guess I'll just keep annoying Sadist by being annoyed.  :)

Limits Reached

The Sadist finally managed to surpass my limit of putting up with his crap.  Today he just pissed me off. I know he is suppose to push me but damn it, sometimes I get to the breaking point and he doesn't let up.  It takes a lot to get me to that point but when I'm there it takes a lot to get me back.   I couldn't tell you the exact reason or when he pissed me off, but he did.  Half way through the workout, if looks could kill, he would have been struck dead. 

The workout started like usual with some cardio and stretching to warm up and then moved into legs.  Unfortunately, we then moved into arms.  My left arm was just starting to feel better from Friday's workout and I could finally straighten it without much pain.  Now I was to do tricep dips and the last time I attempted them, I failed miserably.  Failing is not something I like to do anymore than anyone else.  Knowing how my arms have been feeling I just wasn't feeling confident.  Surprisingly enough I did okay on my first set, but even after that initial success, it was a struggle.  By the end of the 3rd set, my arms shook and I was near tears but we weren't done yet.  There were hammer curls to be done and some resistance training focused on my triceps.  We ended arms with drag curls and that just pushed my arms beyond their limits.  The last set was painful and irritating.

As always we finished with abs and the pain in the butt tricked me into doing an extra set of sit-ups.  That little trickery provided the energy I needed to get through my last set of ab exercises which I nailed.  Even though I had done well for the most part, I was beyond annoyed with him.  I couldn't get out of there quick enough.  I even tried to skip out on the weigh in, but that didn't work.  The only positive was that I had lost weight (finally) and that was with eating the Girl Scout cookies.

On Friday we had a discussion about Girl Scout cookies and that I shouldn't have bought them instead I should have bought apples . I would have bought Girl Scout apples if they were available, but they aren't.  I tried to explain how having nieces and nephews sometimes means buying things that aren't necessarily all that good for you.  He doesn't currently have any nieces or nephews, but knowing he is not an only child, I have a feeling he will learn about "all" the joys of being an uncle sooner or later.

Of course I could have donated the cookies, but I actually like the cookies I bought so I plan to eat them.  He can kiss my butt.  I didn't buy tons of them, I just bought a couple of boxes and a few are sitting in the freezer to be eaten at a later date.  Yum!  He'll learn.

 

Sunday and Still Sore

It's been over 48 hours since my last workout and I am beyond sore.  Just straightening my arms is a painful reminder of my Friday workout.  Pretty much any movement of my arms is painful right now. Usually, I'm sore, which I expect, but this has taken it to the next level. I've been checking out articles on how to heal or at least minimize the soreness of the muscles.  I've taken the ibuprofen and am putting ice on them as well as some massaging.  Did I mention that my abs were also complaining? Let me tell ya, they are.

Days like these are when I really question my sanity in continuing with this ongoing craziness known as training.  I am continually pushed towards my limits.  On Friday, I was doing some bench presses and as we continued, my arms became more leaden.  Towards the end of the 3rd set, I could barely straighten my arms as I pushed up and I know that I was given a little help.  Actually it felt like he was doing it as my muscles began failing me.   I was told very little help was provided, but from point of view I can't imagine how I was able to make those last several reps.

Along with the bench presses, I did around-the-worlds and reverse around-the-worlds as well as modified pull-ups.  The pull-ups are done on a TotalGym.  We started at an angle that was just a little to high. So it was moved down to it's maximum height and after each set he lowered it.  The lower it got, the wimpier I felt but my arms were loudly complaining, so it was for the best. Somehow, someway I survived all the insults to my arms,but of course a training session wouldn't be complete without ab work.

Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike abs? Well, that dislike hasn't changed.  Friday was roman chair work and then declined sit ups.  I did pretty good, until someone thought I needed a little resistance thrown in.  As I would sit-up that someone would hold my shoulders back.  After 5 of those and lots of threats he kindly let me finish up without resistance. It's nice to know he has some compassion. 

As Sunday, becomes Monday I wonder if Hurricane Sandy will take out my one of my  sessions. With the way I am feeling, this may not be a bad idea. Some good just might come out of her visit to the mid-Atlantic.  :)

Running Towards a Goal

Over the weekend, I cheered Hannah on as she ran a half-marathon.  As I stood there watching all the people passing by, I realized I missed doing that.  I also realized that my goals for training were very wishy-washy and was probably part of the reason I had been feeling ambivalent about it all.  By the time Hannah came running by I decided that next year I wanted be one of the thousands of people who were being cheered on.   It has been a long time since I've done any real running.   I don't consider playing live frogger on a busy street as running.  Once I thought this through and Hannah announced it at the staff meeting, it was time to talk to the Sadist.  He seemed kind of psyched by it.  I'm sure once he sees my running abilities that may change.

After yesterday's session, running is the last thing on my mind.  We did lunges upon lunges.  My quads were burning to the point that as I drove home my legs shook every time I hit one of the pedals.  I told the Sadist if he kept this up, he was going to be driving me around for a while.  I was able to do the step-ups even on the higher step this time with minimum balance issues.  Most of my balance issues came with the lunges but the Sadist was there to make sure I didn't fall and hurt myself.  Since we had done legs, it was time to punish my arms.  Being the sweet man he is, I didn't have to stand anymore, this time I got to kneel and do my curls, presses and triceps.  He is just so kind to me sometimes I go all giddy. Since he was in such a benevolent mood, he even let me lay down for my abs.  Of course he hooked me up to the cable machine and had me pull my knees to my chest but I was laying down.  I swear I feel like I'm on torture device when he attached my legs to it.  He assured me it wasn't, but I know better.  After my 100 crunches I was done, in more ways then one. 

Next week I'll start down a new road as I work towards running.  Luckily I have a year to get there.  In some ways I am apprehensive thanks to my drop foot which has caused me some trouble.  In other ways I am excited to have a concrete and measurable goal.  As with everything I do at my torture sessions, I will be challenged.  I'm also interested in what the Sadist comes up for training.  He indicated some possible offsite work.  Since I have to work this weekend and will miss Friday, I won't be finding anything out until next Tuesday.  At least my muscles will have a chance to stop hurting before I show up to start my next stage in training.

 

Juggling Curve Balls

As I was reading a friend's blog, I felt as if she was talking about me.  Except for a few I items it described my feelings to a tee so I figured I would lift it directly from her.   

"Lately I've felt like I'm in the middle of a battle.  A battle with myself, a battle of the bulge, a battle for time..  I don't feel like I'm winning.  So, that makes the impending race feel all the more difficult.  I'm not sure I'm ready.  Friends have said they have faith in me, and I can do it.  I appreciate the confidence, I really do.. I just wonder where my OWN confidence is?  I can't seem to find it anywhere.."  

The only difference I have from what she said is I don't have the impending race, but my life right now feels like a race.  As I headed off to training on Friday, I contemplated my desire to continue with it.  I've been working hard, but wonder if it really is making a difference.  My  friends tell me there is, but many days I can't see a change.  I also wonder many times, "Am I just wasting the Sadist's time?".   

Life throws so many curve balls at you and sometimes it just seems like it is all too much.  This is definitely one of those times.  As I sit back and assess what is happening around me, I realize that I need to reevaluate where I'm going and how I'm doing that.  Lots to think about.

Being the good girl I am, I showed up at my training session raring to go, or as raring as I'm ever gonna get.  We got down to work right away and as usual he busted my ass.  Today was a high rep, low weight day, meaning lots more reps and although the weight was minimal (or so he said) I was definitely feeling it and that was just the 1st set. In fact, two days later I am still sore but it is a good sore.  There were squats, presses, flies, reverse flies (ick) and a few others I have blocked from my memory.  I also had to pay my debt for not doing abs on Tuesday.  I did well with the incline sit-ups but the reverse sit-ups just sucked, especially when someone put weights on my legs. As usual I somehow managed to survive to see yet another session.  Some days I really wonder if I'm gonna make it.  Since the O's didn't make it to the ALCS, I'll be heading in to the gym on Tuesday for yet another day of torture.

Point of No Return

Hanging at the O's Game.

Wow, what a day.  Last night I was at the Orioles/Yankees ALDS game and the Orioles won.  It was an exciting but very late night and even after I got home, I was still too wired to sleep.  I finally fell asleep sometime after 3 am.  Unfortunately, it hasn't been just a crazy day, but a crazy several weeks.  Things at school, work, home, training, and even the Orioles have had me juggling my life and pushing through when I may have wanted nothing more than to say I quit.  I think my body finally had enough of me running on adrenalin and not really taking time to sit back and relax.

Why is this all important? Over the past couple of years, I have learned that when my body decides enough is enough, it takes some drastic measures.   As I try to continue on the same path, I find that I have what feels like motion sickness even when I'm not moving.  Today was the day that my body had enough, but it is also the day I have training.  The two really don't go together. 

I knew I was tired and I had felt a little off during the day and even a little nauseated but chalked that up to being hungry.  During my bike warm up, I was barely keeping my head up.  In fact, I laid it down on my arms while peddling. Generally I am tired after a long day at work, but today I didn't work and yet I was completely exhausted even with sleeping in.   I really should have taken notice when I was feeling nauseated and even a little dizzy earlier in the day.  Even though I know my body can rebel, I don't always pay attention. There are times I can be downright dense.

The Sadist noticed right off I wasn't on my A game and I'm not even sure I was on my B, C, or D game.  It seemed the more I worked out the more nauseated I felt.  As I have noted before, I really don't like throwing up.  Since we started with split squats, I wasn't overly surprised with the nausea as I frequently feel that while doing this exercise, but it didn't stop there.  Even as I worked on my tri and biceps, I found the nausea increasing.  At one point I ran for the bathroom as I wasn't sure the nausea wouldn't turn into a full blown throw up session.  Luckily for me, that didn't happen.  Once the stomach settled I came out and asked where we left off.  I didn't complain at all during the session though I did take several breaks.  I was able to get through the arms, shoulders, and legs.

Next up was the ab exercises and I just wasn't sure I would survive that without tossing some cookies.  It didn't take the Sadist long to offer a deal.  We would skip it for this session and do double on Friday.  I readily jumped at it.  I'd rather leave the contents of my stomach right where they are.  Since we didn't do abs, we added a few more arm exercises.  Someone, who will remain nameless, was picking on me,  he really should know better when I am armed with weights.  Of course since I was off my game, he wasn't in any danger of being nailed with one or two of them, but I still had some fight in me.  We ended the session early which was fine with me.  Once I got home, I literally collapsed and was asleep within moments.   I'm sure the training helped to push me past the point of no return, but it also helped with falling asleep.  Hopefully, by Friday I'll be doing much better.  I plan to get some extra rest the next couple of days and maybe just maybe that will help.

An Omazing Day

This has been an exciting and fun filled evening with the Orioles beating the Rangers to advance on to the ALDS.  It takes all the sting out of the killer workout tonight with the Sadist.  As usual he made sure that I had sweat pouring out of every pore in my body. I have a love hate relationship with sweat.  On one hand, when I sweat I feel like I've really done some work.  On the other hand, I hate the way it feels especially when it is dripping down and off of my face.  Yuck!

Friday's workout started off with some weighted leg lifts which I did pretty good.  For this exercise I am shackled at the ankles to the cable crossover and then lift my legs in various directions.  There is no sneaking off when he isn't looking with his exercise.  I continue to get better at it and the weight continues to go up.  At one point the Sadist indicated that I wasn't kicking high enough.  I told him he should give me a target, so he stood in front me.  There were two problems, 1) the weights were a little on the heavy side and 2) even if I had been able to overcome the weight, he was standing out of reach.  My legs are just not that long.  I really should have kicked out with the untethered leg and gotten him even if it meant taking an extra step or two.  That would would have mixed it up a bit.

Following the leg exercises I stayed on the cable crossover and proceeded to work on my arms, shoulders and chest.  There were flies, reverse flies, rows, lats and individual arm flies.  One of his favorite things to do is to add more weight and he did that for each of these.  My poor arms.  He did take pity on me for one exercise that was kicking my butt and he actually let me get away with only having to do two sets.  I'm not sure why he was being nice but I wasn't going to complain.

We ended with the infamous ab exercises which continue to be my least favorite.  We did reverse sit-ups and for the first time they didn't seem impossible.  I was able to get through them with little to no stopping.  I still felt them but they weren't kicking butt this time.  It was the other way around.  The other ab exercise was a weighted crunch.  My arms were in slings connected to the lat machine and then I had to lean forward and using my abs to crunch down so that my knees and elbows touched.  It wasn't a horrible exercise but rather an awkward one.  This was definitely a night for feeling all the muscles being used and I'm sure within 36 hours the muscles will be screaming in pain.

All in all the workout was good but the game was better.  I am looking forward to going to the ALDS playoff game against the Yankees on Monday.  The Sadist indicated that he would have a party should the O's win the wildcard.  I guess I will find out on Tuesday when we continue our relationship in training.

Let's Go O's!!!!

Rainy Tuesdays & Sweaty Workouts

It has been a rainy Tuesday and I longed to stay curled up in bed with a good book.  Unfortunately, that was not to be as not only was it a work day, but a training one too.   For some reason the boss expects me to show up every day and do actual work if I want to get paid.  I've been trying to find a loop hole to this, but so far its been a fruitless search. I do find rainy days to be conducive to exercising since I usually don't do much outside while it is pouring.  As with most of my sessions, I came home feeling worn out and a little worse for wear.

We did work on a little bit of everything but the legs were engaged one way or another in each of the exercises.  Again I did work on the rack, which  is a good name for it as it definitely feels like a torture device.  Anyway, he had me doing squats with the barbell and then added weight for the next sets.  Of course, three sets weren't enough, so I did a fourth set.  I swear he does this to annoy the crap out me and each time it works.  I made the mistake of looking at my workout sheet when I was done.  He had added 20lbs for the second set and for the third set it was an additional 10lbs. Each time he said I wouldn't have a problem.  What I found out by looking at my worksheet was that the starting weight was 55lbs.  I'm so glad I didn't know this before I started.  There would have been a lot more whining than what I actually did.  Yes, he was right and I was able to do them, but it did take a lot out of me.  After I was done, I was feeling quite dizzy and tuckered out, so we had to take a slight break. For the future, I need to remind myself not to drink water before squats.  One of these times, I'm going to upchuck all over the Sadist and although that may be fun to see, I really hate throwing up. 

Once I recovered from that initial exercise we moved on to arm exercises that are usually done laying down, but in order to engage my legs they were all done standing up.  I did pretty good on those and again tried not to look at what I was lifting.  No need to get myself worked up over a number.  Even though I did well, I was huffing and puffing by the end.  I felt like I was in worse shape now then when I started. The Sadist said I was just doing more now since I was in better shape.  I'm not sure how I feel about all of that.  How am I suppose to know if I'm getting better if I'm always feeling out of shape?  Sure to get better I gotta do more, but my mind doesn't always think that way.

Well depending on what happens with the last two games of the season, I may or may not be at the studio on Friday.  It's looking more like I will be since the odds are in favor of the O's playing the A's in a wildcard game on Friday in Oakland.  That's a little too long of a commute.  However, if by some miracle they are playing in B-more, then I'll be at the stadium instead of training.  Let's go O's.

I Don't Wanna!!!

I am too old for this crap.  The first and even second sets are okay, but that third one has to go.  He even snuck a fourth set in on the floor bench presses. Is there any wonder I have nicknamed him the Sadist?  As I type this, my arms are quivering from the abuse. If anyone can make me whiny and act like a 5 year old, it's the Sadist.  I had him laughing when I adamantly declared in my best kid voice, "NO." All I needed to do was stomp my foot and stick out my lower lip and it would have completed the picture.

I think for some of the exercises today he did as much, if not more, of the work than I did.  I try not to look at the amount of weight he is giving me prior to doing the exercise so that I don't psyche myself out, but every so often I peek and sure enough it doesn't help.  Doing bench presses with a weighted bar is one thing, but a barbell with weights is completely different.   That last press was mostly the Sadist and very little of me.  I couldn't even do 3 pushups after all the abuse my arms endured.

Seriously, I need a reminder as to why I am busting my ass, both figuratively and literally, two times a week.  Some days I don't feel as if I'm getting anywhere except a one way ticket to Whineville.  I noticed on the wall today that someone has stuck a "No Whining" sticker, which I promptly ignored.   Of course if I didn't whine, the Sadist would think something is wrong and I can't have him thinking that.   Today was not one of those days that I liked him very much and he just pissed me off.  His big brown eyes had no affect on me what so ever.  He doesn't really care if I like him or not, but it's the principle of the thing.  He says I'll like him tomorrow.  Right now, I'm not thinking so, though I'll like that I'm not seeing him.  Maybe by Tuesday, I'll be feeling some sort of love towards him, but I'm not holding my breath. 

Sore Throat & Sniffles

This has not been a good week.  I have been sick for much of it and so far I have missed one training session and making it to the second one is not looking good either.   It's been quite a while since I had a nasty cold with the works.   You know it is bad when you walk into the office and your boss, who usually gives you the 3rd degree if you call out, sends you right back out the door. The second day, she let me work half of the day before agreeing I should go home instead of spreading germs.  This is not conducive to getting any of my work done, which I am already way behind on.
 

Introducing Ray Lewis

Although I said this wasn't a good week, it didn't start out that way.  Sunday, I went to my first Raven's game and it was a blast.  My cold had started the day before, but it was just a minor sore throat with some sniffles and I wasn't going to let that stop me.  Monday, I headed out to the ballpark for an Oriole doubleheader (we're in the race for the pennant this year).  The first game, I did well, but by the second one I faded fast (as did the O's).  The minor sniffles and sore throat were no longer minor and could not be ignored.  I'm sure if I had stayed home, I may have avoided feeling icky all week, however I would have missed going to the games. I don't regret going the games, it was well worth it.  Unfortunately, there was a price to pay.

Me and Mr. Boh

Once I'm back to at least 90% and not coughing after every few minutes of talking, I can get back to working out.  I never thought I would actually miss my workouts.  In fact, I even miss seeing and interacting with the Sadist. Aside from the physical benefits of working out, there are some definite mental side benefits.  With so much going on at home, work and school, the workouts help me to work out some of the frustration I feel on a daily basis.  Hopefully, I'll be back in the gym in no time and working out with my favorite Sadist.

Back to the Workouts

Well, it looks like the Sadist and I are back to "normal." After two weeks of me being blah, I finally feel a little more like myself and we picked up on our usual banter.  Okay, it is mostly me whining about the exercises but most of them are whine worthy.  One of today's challenges was to do squats in yet a different way.  This time we used the power rack and again the motto was low and slow.  By the last rep with the extra weight, if I hadn't had a little help, my squat would have become me sitting unceremoniously on the ground.  However, with the help, I was able to get myself up again.  Luckily, that was it for the legs today. 

For the next challenge, I spent time on the bench working on my arms and chest.  At least this time I got to lie down for much of my work out, though he did insist that I work out.  I did sets of flies, reverse flies, reverse around the worlds and bench presses.  Why does it always seem that the heaviest and hardest weights are done after my arms are tired out and more like jello instead of arms of steel?  He's explained it to me, but I still think we could find a happy medium somewhere.   Unfortunately, he isn't all that great at compromise sometimes.

This weekend is going to be a busy one, with me going to the Ravens game on Sunday and then the Orioles double header on Monday.  I have already forewarned him that I could be a little cranky on Tuesday.  He suggested that I sleep and rest much of Saturday to prepare for the two days of partying.  Hopefully, by Tuesday, I'll still have a voice as well.  It will definitely be worth it though and as I said he has been forewarned.

Let's go Ravens!!

Let's go O's!! 

Quick & Dirty

Today was the first time I did not have a training session since July 3.  It felt somewhat weird not to be walking down the steps to the studio after work.  I also missed seeing someone's annoying but endearing smile. To make up for that I headed down to hotel basement and into their fitness room.  They have a pretty nice one that had a several types of new cardio machines along with a small weight room and a pool.  Although I didn't spend a full hour working out, I did work up quite a sweat and even managed an ab exercise or two.  It felt good to get the workout in especially after two days of decadent eating.  They had chocolate covered strawberries today and I just can't say no to them.  Worse yet, after everyone returned to the meeting room after the break, there were three left.  I couldn't let them sit on that plate and go uneaten, so I saw it as my civic duty to make sure they weren't left to be tossed out. Yum yum.  I can't see what to see what else is on the plate tomorrow.  I'm sure I'll pay for my gluttony on Friday when I stand on the scale, but it has been so nice to enjoy food prepared so well.  It would crack me up if I were to lose weight this week after weeks of making minimal progress. I can definitely tell you that is frustrating.  Unfortunately, I've not been overly hungry lately and so my eating has been down, which can have the opposite effect of what one would think.  I've had this trouble before, when I just didn't eat enough.  Who would ever think that would an issue?  Well, I'll find out what the result of my decadent eating in just a couple of days.  It's been good having a little break from the workout but I'll be ready to get back to it on Friday.

Frustrating Friday

Today was one of those days where you just wonder why you bothered getting out of bed.  Work was beyond challenging.  The week before a meeting is always my most stressful and today wasn't any different.  At one point, I was ready to blow my top and walk out on everything, but thanks to a fabulous friend I was able to redirect and refocus some of my frustration so I could get work done.  By the time I got to the studio I was a little calmer and ready to work out.

From the craziness at work, I walked into the craziness known my personal training.  I decided to continue with being quiet since I had a rough day.  I just let him lead me and fortunately I trust him.  He did not disappoint in coming up with exercises that kicked my butt but he also addressed some of my minor challenges.  One such challenge is my left shoulder which I find very frustrating and I know it shows even if I don't say anything.  As I quietly stewed and tried to convince him that my left arm was not required. He came up with another plan.  Apparently none of my arguments about not needing the arm convinced him.  I'm doing so well on some things and others just seem impossible.  I have to say his little contraption for my arms seemed to work and my left should did not lock up.  Woo hoo!!  I hate when he is right.

We did a lot of work on my chest, though it seem to affect my biceps and triceps more.  I guess I'll have to wait a day or two to see where the pain settles.  He even helped me with some pull ups though personally I think he did most of the work. As always abs sucked, though again my arms seemed to take the brunt of it. Today's exercises seemed destined to tire out my arms and even as I write this, they are still a little shaky.

Next week I get a little break since I'm out of town.  I have a feeling that even though I'm not going to be seeing the Sadist on Tuesday, I'll still end up in a gym somewhere doing it on my own.  It may not be as much fun nor as motivating, but I'll get it done.   This will be the first time since the beginning of July that I will not have worked out with the Sadist. It will definitely be a good test to see how dedicated I have become.

Progress - 2.5 Months

I have been asked several times for before and after (or in my case during) photos.  So the other night I sat down in front of my computer and started looking for some before shots.  I figured the current pics would be easy since I could take them whenever.  What I didn't count on was how difficult the before pics would be to find.  The picture below is one of the pics that started me on this journey. I'm not really thrilled with it and it makes me feel dumpy and frumpy.  It does provide a lovely memory and that is the only reason I like it.

In order to provide an after pic, I asked Hannah to snap one of me.  As a rule I hate being in pictures, but this one isn't too bad.  I've definitely lost some of the puffy look but I still have some ways to go.   The pants I am wearing here did not fit back in June and I am now comfortably sporting them.  I can tell by the fit that they will soon need to be replaced with something smaller.

Much of my credit goes to the Sadist, who with out his help, I would not be making and continuing on this journey. I have put in a lot of work to date and taking a look at where I came from is very motivating.   Seeing this progress, I'm now ready to tackle whatever he throws at me.  Bring it on!

A Quiet Challenge

Today's workout went well even though I'm still not feeling 100% regarding whether or not to continue, but I am showing up and working hard. My irrational side is warring with my rational side and just when I think the rational one will come out on top, the irrational comes up with something new to consider.  As you can see I think way too much. As I noted in the last blog I was determined to be nice today and not take any of my moodiness out on the Sadist.   The best way I know to do that is to just keep my mouth shut and if you know me, you know that is a challenge all on its own.

Today's workout included planks, squats, back extensions, seated rows, and some ad exercises.  It doesn't sound like a lot but it actually was.  I did three different types of squat exercises on the leverage squat machine and they had to be slow and low.  The squats were a pain in the butt, literally.  After the second set of reps, my butt started cramping especially on the incline squats.  I also started having some back soreness so we took some time to do some stretches to help with that.  The back extensions helped stretch the sore part a bit for awhile, but as he added weight, that soon changed.    The best exercise today was the seated row.  I started at 30lbs, but that was just too light.  We then moved up to 40 then 60 and when they proved to be relatively easy, we finally settled on 80lbs.  I was impressed and proud of myself and I think he was too.  I still had energy in me and probably could have moved up another 20, but I had already done 4 sets.  I can save that for another day.  All in all the work out was good and I feel as if I made some progress.  I still don't like abs even though the Sadist keeps telling me I love them.  I think hell has a better chance of freezing over than that happening.

Before I left I did apologize for being such a brat on Friday.  As I expected he brushed it off, but I felt better because I really hate being that way to others and he didn't deserve it.  We had some banter, but it wasn't the same plus I wasn't quite myself either since I was being rather agreeable and quiet.  Hopefully over the next couple of visits we'll get back some of the fun and my rational side will finally win the battle.  It felt really good to exceed with the rows and that has pushed some of that irrational thinking right out of my brain.  I just need to keep it up.  I am now looking forward to my massage on Thursday.  It is the perfect complement to all this training. :)

Moody Friday

Yesterday was one of those days where I probably should have just skipped the training session.  I was in a mood and it wasn't pretty.  I'm thinking it was a residual from the bad day earlier in the week.  The owner of the training studio commented that the Sadist wasn't getting any love today, and unfortunately he was right.

No matter what the poor guy said or did he just annoyed me.  This is not to say I was lax on doing my workout.  I put in the effort and worked my butt of just like usual, it just wasn't with my usual "sunny" disposition.  Sunny may be stretching it, but I generally have an upbeat attitude and the Sadist and I trade quips in good humor.  We got into it over the counting of reps and neither of us would admit the other may be right.  We ended up compromising, but not before we were face to face in a stare down.  He then gave me a smirk which did not help in the least.  Somehow we both survived it and we will live to spar another day.

After my upsetting doctor's appointment a few days earlier, I started questioning my desire to continue my training sessions.  On one hand, I dislike doing them because they can be so hard, time consuming and honestly at times I feel inadequate.  Yet, on the other hand, I love doing them because I enjoy the challenge and finding ways to succeed at that challenge.  Despite the positives, I was ready to give up on the training sessions.  Irrationally I reasoned that since the doctor didn't seem  impressed with my efforts it mustn't be big deal and therefore a waste of my time.  I did say it was irrational especially since I know how much the Sadist has been helping me but I then again I never said I was rational all the time.

Luckily we did survive yesterday in one piece and I am hoping after a nice quiet but busy weekend I'll have gotten this mood out of my system and things will run smoother on Tuesday.  Although I have nicknamed him the Sadist, he is a very sweet and caring guy who is doing his best to help me and I do appreciate all he has done.  Just maybe I'll be a little nicer to him on Tuesday and possibly even apologize for being such a pain.  

Midweek Therapy

My therapy bag.

Today I had my annual physical and like any other time I go to the doctor, I came out feeling worse then when I went in.  It didn't seem to matter that I have been making positive strives to improve my health. When I told my doctor about my weight training with the trainer and doing cardio the rest of the week all I got was a "mm hmm."  There was no "good job" or "keep up the good work."   There was nothing positive, just all the things that were wrong with me, and apparently there are a lot of them.

By the time I got home, I was down in the dumps and by the time the sun set I was spitting mad.  After a couple of hours of brooding (yes, I do brood and I do it well).  I realized I had a lot of pent up anger.  I had a strong urge to punch something (or someone) until I just felt better.  As luck would have it, I own a punching bag and it is good for just these occasions and if I happened to get in a workout, all the better.  I spent the better part of half an hour punching and kicking the crap out of the bag.  I moved the bag all around the floor and even managed to spill some of the water out of the base.

The best part was that I could really see the strength I have gained from working out with the Sadist as well as the difference in my balance.  I was able to place some rather good in to out and out to in crescent kicks, as well as roundhouse kicks.  By the end of my little impromptu session, I had both a good sweat going and a much calmer demeanor.   The punching bag provided a two-fer. I not only got a great workout but a wonderful therapy session too.

Something's Afoot

Something seemed off during today's workout.  I'm not sure what it was, but it just didn't feel right.  The banter between the Sadist and I was there and as usual the man can't count.  We did a lot of work with the resistance bands and they weren't easy, but again, not quite hard either.  Maybe because I didn't sweat like someone running a marathon or two it felt off. Usually by the time I get home from a workout any piece of clothing I have on is drenched.  I'm definitely not one of those females that "perspires", I sweat big time. Personally I find it icky and hate being wet when not in water.  While I don't like being sweaty, it feels odd if I'm not after a workout.  The sense of accomplishment just isn't the same.

The other thing that happened was that the Sadist ran late today.  He rushed in about 15 minutes late and didn't seem to be in the best of moods.  Having dealt with moody males most my life, I just let him be.  It was the first time I had beat him to the studio and I managed to get my warm up done and I was cooling down when he finally walked in.  It looks like I may have to kick up my warm up a bit as it seemed a little too easy. 

I'm interested in seeing how Friday's workout goes. Hopefully it will feel normal or as normal as it gets.  At least he and I seemed to be in our usual banter mode though the amount of grief I gave him was a little light.  I may need to kick that up on Friday or maybe I'll go in the complete opposite direction.  Hmm, decisions, decisions.  What shall I do?

Fifty-Fives

Today's torture was something called 55s.  Although I had never heard of them I had a feeling I wasn't going to like them, but I said I would give it a try.  I really should listen to my gut when I don't think I'll like something.  They started off innocently enough, but it just went downhill from there.  The first set was shoulder presses with pushups.  If you aren't familiar with 55s, which I wasn't, it is an easy concept at least the way we did it.  First you do one shoulder press followed by one push up. You follow this by two shoulder presses and two pushups and so forth until you have done 10 shoulder presses and 10 pushups. I believe that by the time you are finished you have done 55 reps.  I could confirm or deny that fact, but that would take more than I really want to put into it.  Around the 7th round (7 presses/7 push-ups) my arms refused to push me up, so we moved to doing wall pushups (are they still pushups then?).  Even those were killer.  I was allowed a little rest, but we weren't done there.  Following the shoulder presses & pushups, I also did combos of bicep curls and triceps presses and ended with reverse flys, lat raises and forward raises.  When asked my feelings towards this exercise, I accurately commented "I hate them."  As usual his response, with a big toothy grin was "No you don't, you know you love them."  That earned him rolling eyes.

The Sadist showed some kindness and we didn't do legs today, but we weren't done by a long shot.  After more bicep curls & steering wheels we headed off to abs.  I am getting better at the abs and that they aren't quite as bad, but I still don't like them.  For incentive, one of the exercises included doing a sit-up followed by throwing a 6-lb ball at the Sadist. Of course before he would let me do that I had to do a plank for 60 secs.  After all of this, my strength to throw the ball had vanished and as much as I wanted to wipe the smug smile of his pretty little face, I fell just a little short.  Oh, if ever there was motivation to get even stronger this was it.  Just once I would love to knock him on his ass.  He may be good to look at, but he has definitely earned his nickname.

My only hope now, is that tomorrow I'll be able to put my car in reverse otherwise I'll be stuck home.  Maybe I should have the Sadist be my chauffeur for the weekend.  It's the least he can do. 

Goodbye Comfy Couch Corner

The new inhabitants of the infamous comfy couch corner.

For the past two months I have spent less and less time on the couch and more time in the gym, dance studio, and pool.  There are times I desperately miss my couch and its comforts.  I miss just being able to sit there and do nothing, but its not to be anymore.  I actually feel guilty if I am not doing some sort of exercise each day. 

Right now, I don't mind going to the gym as I have it timed so that I show up when the O's start their game and I can bike my way through the first couple of innings.  Once the season is over, I'll have to make due with Jeopardy and my iPod, but it just doesn't hold the same appeal.  This is one of those times when football just can't compete with baseball.  As a once a week sport, it doesn't provide the same exercise motivation. It is more of a ,sit at home and watch it on the big screen with friends, beer and lots of munchies type of thing.  I'm sure others will tell me I'm wrong, but hey it's my blog and I can have my own opinion on the matter.

My trainer, who I affectionately and sometimes not so affectionately call the Sadist, has been great to work with for the most part.  Of course as I do that one last rep and my muscles are cramping and I'm sweating profusely I really don't have those warm fuzzy feelings instead they are something along the line that wouldn't be prudent to post here.   I'm reasonably sure that trainercide is frowned upon in this state or any state for that matter.  I doubt, however, they would say much of anything should a dumbbell or kettle bell fall accidentally from my hands on to said trainer's foot.  So far I have resisted, but there is always a first time to everything.

As during July, I continued to update my FB friends with my various adventures. Below I have posted them for all to see.

August 3: Had my monthly assessment at the trainers. I actually kicked some butt on it, though I still hate doing situps. The sadist tells me my abs love it, but I beg to differ. Although I probably won't admit it to him, I actually enjoy those torture sessions. :)

August 7:  Another Tuesday and another trip to the trainer. I sure hope that this is making some sort of difference long term, cause short term I just feel inadequate. I'm glad my trainer believes in me otherwise I would be back on the couch in 2 seconds flat. For some reason I'll be back in the studio on Friday for yet another session. I'm a glutton for punishment.

August 10: Had a surprisingly good training session with the sadist today. I've been working on coming up with other names for him. So far I've come up with tormentor and tyrant. Apparently, I have made some major accomplishments strength wise and I even did an ab exercise that wasn't horrible. I didn't think that was possible

August 14: Another Tuesday and another visit with the trainer. I got to wear the boxing gloves today and the tormentor made a lovely target which was definitely motivating. Not my best workout but it had its perks today.

August 21: Survived another Tuesday at the Trainers and for some unknown reason I arranged to do this for another 12 weeks. I must be a glutton for punishment cause every muscle I used today is screaming at me. As much as I hate doing this each week, I seem to love it just as much. Crazy.

August 28: As I worked with the sadist today, I really wondered about my sanity. What was I thinking in continuing this ongoing torture? Do I really enjoy it or am I just a glutton for punishment? I can tell my strength is improving but I so miss sitting on the corner of my couch reading a book or surfing the web. The life of the couch potato was so much easier. At least I don't have to deal with the sadist for another few days.

The questioning of my sanity and whether or not I am a glutton for punishment seems to be a common theme this month.  I'm sure that will come up more as I continue along this path I have started.  As part of my staying out of the comfy corner of the couch, I'll head off to Zumba tonight to get in a little cardio.  Although that is a tiring workout, at least I have a little bit of fun shaking my booty and singing along.  The only booty shaking I do with the Sadist is when my legs are so tired that they start wobbling uncontrollably just to hold me up. That just isn't quite the same.

I just hope as I continue to spend more and more time away from the couch that it understands it wasn't anything it did, but that it was time for my butt to see other surfaces.  I still miss my little corner but like they say all good things must come to an end, so goodbye little comfy couch corner, I promise to visit every now and again.

In the beginning there was a couch

The infamous corner of the couch.

At the beginning of the summer, my rear end and my couch had an ongoing intimate relationship.  As soon as I got home from work I headed right for my favorite corner in the couch and stayed there until it was time for bed.  Needless to say this love affair was not good for the rest of my body.  Add that to the fact that I also was consuming copious amounts of desserts and sodas and well lets just say it wasn't a pretty site.

How did I realize how bad it was getting?  The usual way, someone took a picture of me and it was hideous.  I looked like a box and all I could think was that I am turning into my grandmother.  My father described his mother as a 5x5 Polish woman.  I don't mind the Polish part, but it was the 5x5 description I could do without.  

So what was I to do to make a drastic change and turn things around?  The obvious thing is to get myself to the gym, which I had a membership to, and starting moving. Even though I have been paying for it over the past year I had probably only been inside a few times.  I realized that I had sunk lower than low.  Apparently just going to the gym wasn't the answer, so the next thought was a personal trainer.  I didn't want just anyone, I wanted someone who was going to really push me and hold me accountable.  Little did I realize what all this would entail.

On July 3, I started my adventure from couch potato to non-couch potato, whatever that is called.  I found myself a personal trainer and this was the day of reckoning.  I was about to find out just how far had I fallen down the rabbit hole.  What I found was that I was 10 lbs heavier than I expected and embarrasingly unfit.  As I started this path I kept my FB friends apprised of my ongoing experience through regular status updates.  Instead of trying catch up and start from the beginning, I'm just going to repost them here.  I think they provide a pretty good insight to the beginning of my journey.  I've included in this post just the first month's worth.  In my next post, I'll provide the August updates.

July 3:  I survived my first day with the personal trainer . This is going to be a long summer trying to get myself back in shape.

July 10: Survived today's workout with the trainer. Even though the focus was legs, we did arms and abs. Does anyone like doing ab work? It just reminds me how out of shape I've gotten. Now, I'm home watching the All Star Game.

July 13: It has been one of those days that I wish instead of going to work out with my trainer, I was going out for a nice cold adult drink or two or three or four or .....

I am not quite sure I survived today's training session. I can barely move and there are muscles aching that I didn't even know existed.

July 24: Why is it when my trainer says the ab exercises are going to be easy, they end up being painfully hard. I don't believe him anymore.

July 27: Either I am getting to old for this work out crap or my trainer is a sadist. I would like to think it is the latter. His cuteness is not motivating right now but the thought of dropping a weight on his foot is.

July 31: Survived today's torture session and did pretty good. I had problems with sit-ups, could do reverse ones but not regular. I think the sadist broke my abs (if one can do such a thing) on Friday.

I got in my cardio today with 15 minutes on the recumbent bike for 3+ miles and then 20 minutes on the treadmill with 3 one minute sprints.  My next session is less than 2 days away.  I'm afraid to know what torture the sadist will come up with this time. It won't be long before I find out.  :)