Perfect Frustration

This may come as a shock, but I am a perfectionist.  Most of the time I can deal with it, but tonight was not one of those times. My bi-weekly torture session started off on a good foot but it wasn't destined to last.  Tonight's goal was for increasingly higher weight with low reps.  I did pretty good with the squats and managed to hit 155 lbs.  Due to a slight miscommunication (on his part, not mine), I did not make it to 200.  I'm sure I could have done that, but c'est la vie.  I even did pretty good on the bench press I managed to 100lbs (okay I only did one rep with a little help, but I did it).
 
The trouble came with the shoulder presses.  My left shoulder seems to be what was affected the most by my last exacerbation.  It is so much weaker than it used to be.  Of course the way to strengthen it is to work it out, but  I become so frustrated when I have so much trouble doing something.  I don't just want to be able to do it, I want to do it perfectly.  To top it off, as I am trying to do the exercise the Sadist is giving me pointers which is not coming across in a helpful way.  Although I know he meant to only help it just irritated.  By the time I finished the first set I was pissed.  I had to cool off and I started pacing.  The next set I had just as much trouble.  By the third I was so irritated I just wanted to leave.  I made my frustrations known and he called me on it.  The gist of his response was Are you going to quit just because you are frustrated.  No, I wasn't going to quit, but I really wanted to hit something or someone.   By the time we finished the routine I was so agitated by not being able to do the work out well that I could not stand still.   To add to the frustration, the Sadist had to assist me in pushing up the bar.  That always makes me feel inadequate as if I am unable to do something. That makes me not only mad but sad too.  Oh how I wanted to quit, but of course I couldn't.  Even if I tried I doubt he would had let me.
 
The Sadist being the Sadist found a way to get me to stand still or in this case lay still.  As usual we ended the session with an ab exercise or two.  The first exercise called for my legs to be shackled to a resistant band which was connected to the wall. While laying there I had to pull my knees to my chest.  That was easier said then done, but I did do it. He also had me doing presses holding a 15lb weighted bar which felt more like 50.  

The Sadist is a relatively patient and laid back guy but today I'm pretty sure I tested it.  It is a good thing he doesn't take it personally  Tomorrow, I'll start to feel all this work and maybe the next time my arm will do better. Until then I think I'll get some rest and continue with my cool off.

Still Grumpy

Morning run @ the lake

Wow!  I can't believe it is the end of October already.  Where did the time go?  It seems it just started and now we are heading into November.  Even though it is cooling down, it doesn't mean I'm done with races.  I have 4 races between now and the end of the year.  If all goes well, I'll have completed 16 official races and 1 walk that we turned into a run.  My goal was to run the relay in the marathon of the Baltimore Running Festival.  I didn't run the relay, but I think the number of races exceeds that initial goal.  I did run in the BRF and did my best time to date.  Not too shabby if you ask me. 

Spent the evening with my favorite Sadist.  The torture session was as usual, torturous.  On Friday we had worked on my shoulders and by the end of that session I was ready to weep.  My shoulders were toast.  Today I worked on the arms (I think he has it in for my arms). Each set I did were variations of specific exercises.  For example, here is the what I did with push-ups:

20 standard push-ups 
20 push-ups using the push-up grips  
20 push-ups with my arms on uneven surfaces

In between the push-up sets, I did dips. I reiterated that I don't do dips and as usual he said that I do do dips.  Well, he was right and I did do dips but not happily.  

It was the planks that did me in this time.  I managed to hold the first plank which had my feet on the half-ball for a minute.  When I did the variation and put my arms on the half-ball, I didn't do so well.  I kept rolling off.  The last plank was just a standard plank, but by that point my abs were done.  They were no longer interested in holding me up. I sweated all my tears out, otherwise I would have cried. I managed to do the minute but it wasn't one continuous hold and that just annoyed me. 

The Sadist seemed pleased with today's workout while I on the other hand was not as pleased.  I hate when I don't accomplish something and that includes not getting as many reps done as projected.  I know sometimes he tests where my breaking points are but that doesn't make a difference.  I  want to not only succeed but to exceed as well and today was not an exceeding day.  The good thing is that I did survive, though that means dealing with Mr. Sadist again. Well at least there is a silver lining even if it does come with clouds.

Run Grumpy!

Twenty-four hours ago I was ready to throw in the towel.  The Sadist pushed all the wrong buttons last night and as we worked out, I felt everyone one of my 43 years and then some.  I did cardio strength training and for some reason I was not happy.  I came in happy, but I left irritated and ready to quit.  I called him every name I could think of, which was hard to do as I could barely catch my breath let alone think.  He had been on vacation for the week and returned all tan and relaxed.  I'm sure that did not help my mood.  It also didn't help that I was running in the Baltimore Running Festival today, so doing all those squats and presses was irritating. 

The hardest part was doing the box jumps.  I have told him time and time again that I couldn't jump.  I know that sounds strange, but I just can't get the legs to coordinate.  It completely frustrates me.  Yet another reason to put me in a bad mood.  I did manage to do three actual box jumps which took a lot of energy and concentration.  So I give myself a woo hoo for that.  The rest of the time I did step ups. As usual I managed to complete everything but refused to step on the scale.  It hasn't changed in months, no need to remind myself of that. 

I slept like crap last night, so after dealing with the Sadist and a bad night I was one grumpy person this morning.  According to the gang (I belong to a running gang, Tinkle Toes, who would have thunk it) I run better grumpy.  I hate to admit it, but I think they are right.  I had my best time (36.24) to date on a 5k.

The rest of the gang ran the 1/2 marathon so I was feeling a little left out.  Of course they told me not to, but I do anyway.  I am so proud of Team Tinkle Toes.  They did a fabulous job.  They worked hard and kicked some 1/2 marathon butt.  Go team!!  Maybe next year I'll be ready to join them.   

I'm glad I didn't throw in the towel.  I wouldn't have gotten my personal best and I wouldn't have seen the gang rock the 1/2.  I may run Grumpy, but that is just who I am and I continue to push forward even when I am grumbling and bitchy.  It's time to start preparing for the next run, whatever that may be.  :)

Beware of the Lifesaver!

Two weeks ago I put on a nice and clean brand new white t-shirt.  Decked out in my bright white splendor I headed down to Oriole Park and Raven's Stadium to meet up with the gang for Baltimore's first running of The Color Run - The Happiest Run on Earth. They have it well named, because it was a blast.  I actually ran most of the race with just a short walking stint between Blue and Orange and we also walked through the color zones.  In order to get a good amount of color you need to slow down and let the color come down.  Twirling is very helpful.  It was the most fun I ever had with running. In fact I almost liked running, almost. 

Now I'm back to the grind of working out and it isn't as fun as the run.  The Sadist is continuing to push me and refuses to listen to me when I say I can't do something.  I was reminded that I don't pay for him to listen to me, which is a good thing because he really sucks at it.  Every now and again it would be nice if he did listen even for a moment.  

I should remember that if the Sadist gives me a lifesaver as I walk in the door, I should just turn around and walk out.  It is not going to be a pleasant workout.  Since I finally mastered my squats he felt it was necessary to up the ante and have me squat down past parallel and then back up.  The coming up was easy, it was the squatting down I had trouble with.  This type of squatting reminds me of geometry. I've not had to use geometry and I don't see me having to squat down that far.  If I'm going to be down that far I might as well just sit on my butt. 

The rest of the workout was pretty benign with me doing arm and leg presses, rows and deadlifts until we got to planks.  As we all know, planks and I are not on good terms.  Today's challenge was to do the plank while having my arms on one half ball and my feet on the another half ball.  Any redemption that he may earned after the squats was gone.  My utter dislike for him returned full force.  Hopefully by Friday, I'll be back to tolerating him, but right now that's not happening.

Doubts

Another Friday, another workout and another day of feeling like I'm getting nowhere.  Apparently this wasn't my week when it came to working out.  The Sadist could do nothing but irritate me.  I did figure out why he has been irritating me, though it took a few days. There are times I just don't want to be pushed but as a trainer that is his job.  He suppose to push me when I am waning or unmotivated in my workout.  However, just because he's doing his job, doesn't mean I am happy about it and in fact sometimes I would rather wipe that smile right off his face. 

On Friday we did a slightly different workout, one he said we wouldn't use a lot of weights.  Ha, he lied.  Even though it wasn't the normal workout, there were still plenty of weights and plenty of times for me to feel inadequate.  The workout was a series of eight exercises that were each done for 45 seconds each, with a 25 second in between rest and a 2 minute rest at the end of the series.  It didn't start well, as we started with a plank into push up.  I think I managed 2 maybe 3.  My biggest challenge was just getting from the plank to the push up stance.  I could not seem to balance on just one arm in order to push up to the other and that was before the actual push-up. 

As I was going through the series of exercises I got more and more irritated.  At one point he came up to me and asked how I was doing.  My reply was something between okay and a grunt.   While glaring at him, the Sadist said "It is okay to call me names."  I informed him not to worry, I was way ahead of him and I had already called several names, none that were good.  There were some exercises that didn't make me feel weak and incapable, but the ones that did were horrendous. Today, I have the bruises to prove it.  

Some days I really wonder if it is at all worth it.  It seems like every step I take forward, I just end up falling several steps back.  There are days I feel more my fathers age then my own. Am I fooling myself, that I can get into shape this late in the game?  I'm not sure if I'm a glutton for punishment or just certifiably nuts.  I guess there is a good possibility that I could be both, but hopefully some sanity will make its way back into my life.  Until then I guess I'll just keep annoying Sadist by being annoyed.  :)

Limits Reached

The Sadist finally managed to surpass my limit of putting up with his crap.  Today he just pissed me off. I know he is suppose to push me but damn it, sometimes I get to the breaking point and he doesn't let up.  It takes a lot to get me to that point but when I'm there it takes a lot to get me back.   I couldn't tell you the exact reason or when he pissed me off, but he did.  Half way through the workout, if looks could kill, he would have been struck dead. 

The workout started like usual with some cardio and stretching to warm up and then moved into legs.  Unfortunately, we then moved into arms.  My left arm was just starting to feel better from Friday's workout and I could finally straighten it without much pain.  Now I was to do tricep dips and the last time I attempted them, I failed miserably.  Failing is not something I like to do anymore than anyone else.  Knowing how my arms have been feeling I just wasn't feeling confident.  Surprisingly enough I did okay on my first set, but even after that initial success, it was a struggle.  By the end of the 3rd set, my arms shook and I was near tears but we weren't done yet.  There were hammer curls to be done and some resistance training focused on my triceps.  We ended arms with drag curls and that just pushed my arms beyond their limits.  The last set was painful and irritating.

As always we finished with abs and the pain in the butt tricked me into doing an extra set of sit-ups.  That little trickery provided the energy I needed to get through my last set of ab exercises which I nailed.  Even though I had done well for the most part, I was beyond annoyed with him.  I couldn't get out of there quick enough.  I even tried to skip out on the weigh in, but that didn't work.  The only positive was that I had lost weight (finally) and that was with eating the Girl Scout cookies.

On Friday we had a discussion about Girl Scout cookies and that I shouldn't have bought them instead I should have bought apples . I would have bought Girl Scout apples if they were available, but they aren't.  I tried to explain how having nieces and nephews sometimes means buying things that aren't necessarily all that good for you.  He doesn't currently have any nieces or nephews, but knowing he is not an only child, I have a feeling he will learn about "all" the joys of being an uncle sooner or later.

Of course I could have donated the cookies, but I actually like the cookies I bought so I plan to eat them.  He can kiss my butt.  I didn't buy tons of them, I just bought a couple of boxes and a few are sitting in the freezer to be eaten at a later date.  Yum!  He'll learn.